Good News: God Speaks

More often than I care to admit, I will catch myself being spiteful about my upbringing. I was brought up in a church, born and raised in a pew. My parents were the most committed, most sown in, and most ministry-oriented people that I knew. My mom's philosophy was, "If the doors are open, we're there." I sat in church service after church service and sermon after sermon, and I heard every angle of the gospel explained in rich detail. It was great.
That is, until I came into contact with life outside of the church. When I made the decision to come to Evangel, I was coming off of 19 years of nearly perfect church attendance and I had a mind filled with all the Assemblies of God doctrine and years of church sermons and illustrations that you could possibly handle. This worked out just great for a while. In fact a majority of my last two years at Evangel were like a dream come true. They were practically perfect, right down to the little golden halo hanging above my head. Then I got shaken a bit. Under the stress of school, I began to find myself plagued by anxiety. There was a devastating space between me and God. It was what I can only describe as a very large disconnect. I was knocked out of my perfect little experience, and for the first time in my life, I was forced to implement everything that I knew about God. I finally had to pray regularly. I had to fight for everything I was so sure I believed in. I had to prove my faith and perseverance. I quickly found myself unable to do so. It became more and more apparent that all the years of being churched to death had indeed taught me very little about what it meant to truly seek God. I was more lost than someone who had never even heard the gospel, because I thought that I knew everything about God! I was clueless.
The fact of the matter is, I knew of God, but I did not know Him. I knew only what my parents and my pastors had told me about Him. In reality I knew nothing of the living God. I was a retarded and lacking Christian on so many levels. The depth of my hypocrisy was overwhelming as I looked back and forth and up and down for even the smallest glimpse of God in the most remote places. I couldn't find Him at school, and it was getting more and more difficult to find Him at church (this was not the church's fault but mine).
However, I am now beginning to learn how to hear Him speak. For instance, on Thursday between the hours of 5 and 9, God spoke to me three seperate times (though all in reference to the same thing). He spoke to me through a close friend, then through scripture (which another friend showed me, and then through a complete stranger. I would like to tell the entire story, but maybe in a later post.
I guess my point is that it's never enough to simply sit and hear what you should do during trials. Everyone has their own opinions about what brings you through a trial, but I have found that quieting yourself and simply learning how to hear is the best possible thing that you can do. And never underestimate the importance of prayer. I heard a saying once that I have kind of latched onto: "If you're having trouble praying, talk to God about it." It is so simple to talk to God and if you seek Him, you will certainly find Him eventually.