All the Noise You Can Handle

Four days back into the college groove and I am finally sitting down to write something. Today was what I might call a difficult day. It felt very much like last semester (a memory that I am desperately trying to forget). The one good part of my day was my first theology class. I guess it's pretty odd that anyone would get excited about that. I just had some things on my mind that were really pestering me. So, I did what just about anyone does when that happens. I went in my room and cranked up some really loud music and got on facebook.
Then it dawned on me. Why, when life's pressures seem the highest, do we immediately turn to noise? I found myself asking this in my own situation and it seemed pretty apparent to me that the answer was fear. We are afraid of the questions that would haunt us if we turned off the music, or shut down the computer, or turned the tv off for even just a few minutes. We fear that the dark things will come out if we are forced to sit alone with them for a moment. Deep down, we all have dark things that loom over us. Doubts, fears, anxieties, depression, feelings of low self-esteem, worthlessness, narcissism, hopelessness, questions, struggles, uncertainties about the future, overwhelming despair, loneliness, unforgiveness, hatred and impatience are just a few that I could name that I am certain that people deal with. These are legitimate evils that seem like they are waiting just around the corner. It feels as though they will pounce on us the moment we let our mind rest and force our filthy desires out into the limelight where they must be dealt with.
This seems like a terrifying predicament. However, I must say that I don't necessarily know if that is a bad thing! Maybe exactly what some of us need is some time alone with our thoughts. For in truth, we will never be fully alone with them. The God of the universe will be there beside you, not bulldozing your darkest anxieties out into the light, but gently cutting them out with the hands of a surgeon, leaving you intact and fully ready to experience beautiful recovery. The moment we begin to treat God like some careless dictator, who is only interested in the result and not the process necessary for that result, we negate his overtaking grace and kindness, which scripture says is what leads us to repentance in the first place.
I took a moment today, in the midst of what seemed like an awful afternoon, and turned off the noise. It was painful. Facing the thoughts buried deep in the back of your mind is anything but enjoyable. It was the equivalent of sitting in a room face-to-face with a murderer and fearing to address him, but knowing that he will not leave until you do just that.
Self-examination, just as in the case of salvation, is a necessary tool to producing the type of fruit that you wish to see in your life.